COMMUNITY SPIRIT: what goes around, comes around
Carol sandys
You would be forgiven, when you look at an elderly person with a slow and careful gait, perhaps holding a stick and being a little stooped, for not exactly thinking that they have always been just that, but at least not being able to imagine what they had been like in their youth and what their life might have been in their heyday. My mother, Brenda, was known to say once ‘I wasn’t always called Grandma!’
In fact she has spent much of her life helping the community – in spite of being rather shy and self-effacing. It probably started during WWII when she (newly married aged 20) and my father took in 2 evacuees. She was a stay-at-home mum when she had her own children, and then when my sister and I were older she joined the Red Cross (as a VAD: Voluntary Aid Detachment), wearing a rather fetching uniform as I recall. I well remember her being on duty in the first aid tent at the Farnborough Air Show when she and her co-volunteers were keeping their fingers crossed that there would not be a major incident when their skills (or lack of!) would be cruelly exposed. I also remember being practised on - trussed up in bandages like an Egyptian mummy - in advance of exams. She put the local Brownie pack through their paces as they prepared for their first aid badge. Both she and my father were Samaritans, and they regularly held fund-raising events in their garden in Southampton. She was sadly widowed in her 50s, the same year we moved to Pyrford and subsequently one of the roles she took on was as a voluntary Meals-on-Wheels driver which she did for many years. She knitted and sewed the most beautiful toys that were sold at the Shepherds Market for as long as I can remember. She could never sit and watch television of an evening without some sort of craft on the go. She was a talented pianist and used to play Jerusalem for the WI and carols at their Christmas service. She used to regularly drive friends to meetings and on days out. She cleaned St. John’s Church, when we first arrived in the area. Then when we started attending the Good Shepherd in 1982 she took on the role of sending cards to all the babies in our parish to mark the first three anniversaries of their baptisms, a task which she has only recently relinquished. Come rain come shine she walked the streets selling poppies, collecting for Christian Aid and delivering parish magazines. It came naturally to her to want to help out in the local community.
I have some lovely local girlfriends, none of whom, regrettably, has a parent any more. They always ask after my mother and I tell them that she finds life frustrating insofar as she isn’t able to do any of the things that have always kept her busy and that she used to enjoy so much, although she is stoical and never complains. But probably the saddest part of being 100 is that the vast majority of her friends have popped off so her social life has shrunk. And, bless them, some of these friends have started inviting her to their homes for tea. She loves these outings and it means we have lots to talk about afterwards. She comes back lively and chatty. The Pyrford community spirit is alive and well!
Some of the activities she used to fill her life with were playing golf and tennis, travelling with my father, gardening, running 2 homes (including a cottage on the Isle of Wight), babysitting her grandchildren, being a member of Pyrford and West Byfleet WIs, the Women’s Forum and Conservative Ladies and an energetic member of the Fitness League (which she only gave up 4 years ago ~ about the time when she stopped driving). She used to enjoy dressmaking, entertaining, holidays with friends, reading and will still give anyone prepared to play Scrabble with her a good run for their money.
She reluctantly accepts lifts from kind friends/neighbours to her meetings when I’m working but only because I remind her that they are happy to help in the same way that she did for so long. What goes around comes around.
She is very important to her family, and they in turn are equally important to her – 2 daughters, 2 amazing sons-in-law, 2 granddaughters, 2 grandsons, 1 great grandson and 5 great granddaughters (not to mention all the partners). She is also in touch with a huge network of cousins, nieces, great nieces, nephews and great nephews.
When our son was about 3 and we were leaving her house after tea (500 yards from our home), he said ‘What a nice lady. How did we get to know Grandma?’
-Carol Sandys
