Marriage and Family life
Alan wiltshire
When did the idea occur to me? When did it occur to you? For me, probably every time I fell in love although I soon realised that many girls started thinking about marriage whilst still in short socks. When the real love arrived I could not think of anything more important in my life. A long and loving relationship with another human being, a wife, and hopefully the prospects of children, for neither of which I had received any direct training. It would have been helpful to have had some input on relationships, marriage and children during our school years. More helpful, perhaps, than Roman history or Caesar’s Gallic wars. Yes, I was fortunate enough to have been brought up in a loving home with the example of super parents (albeit the realisation that they were not necessarily perfect, like us all, grew more slowly) but the nuts and bolts of a life time relationship never seemed to come up in conversation.
Diane and I met when at St Michaels church in Headingly. The 18 to 30 group were singing carols in an old ladies home. She asked if she could share my carol sheet! You recognise the tactics?? I was 26 and she was 21. I was born and bred in Surrey. Diane’s mother was Welsh and her father from Yorkshire but she had lived in Leeds for most of her life. I thought our relationship was developing nicely when I was invited to stay with Diane and her mother for the weekend. Diane gave up her bedroom for me – a large Victorian room with very big windows. We said our goodnights and I went to draw the curtains which promptly fell down around my ears. “What on earth have you done - we never draw the curtains they are only kept up with safety pins. “
I was brought a morning cup of tea and I later took the cup and saucer into the kitchen and put it on the nearest shelf - which promptly fell down. The weekend had gone from promising to disastrous. There was no man in the house and on Monday I bought a drill and went back the next weekend to ensure the curtains and shelves would not fall down again. If I have told you this story before I apologise. The courtship continued although never without hiccups. I used to travel to Head Post offices in the North East, living in hotels and often working 16 hour days. The Post Office was a 24/7 organisation. We would go out at the weekend and I would fall asleep in the car but when I woke up Diane had disappeared. I eventually assumed she had gone home!! I don’t blame her.
I never thought to ask the girl I had fallen in love with whether she was rich or poor, nor indeed did I enquire about her cookery skills and if she was free of serious illness. I knew she was a teacher and she knew I had prospects as a Post Office manager but the relevance for our relationship was never discussed. However we were both Christians. She had been offered a teaching job in Mexico and asked if I would wait for her. What do you think I said to her? We were married in 1964 and unbeknown to me she had asked the Vicar to delete obey from the marriage service. For the younger readers may I remind you that in the 1960s marriage was the norm before you lived together and started a family.
I have worked in London, Leeds and Manchester and have had 8 jobs with Royal Mail/Post office. We have lived twice in Surrey, and bought 4 houses, with 3 receiving major alterations. Married for 56 years. A wife, 3 children and 6 grandchildren including 2 families also living in Woking. So we have had the pleasure of helping to bring up 5 grandchildren in the last 20 years. I served in the TA for 25 years, which helped to pay for holidays. Prior to moving to Pyrford 34 years ago we had both been highly active in the life of our village churches. It was nearly the last straw that broke the camel’s back. Once the children were of school age Diane went back to teaching. About 10 different schools which somewhat inhibited her career which, bless her, took second place to my career and the family.
Lessons??? Love and forgiveness. You can’t have one without the other although I have to confess I was never able to forgive until the morning after!! How about a sense of humour, romance and passion in our relationship? What do you expect in a Parish Newsletter? You will have to buy my book!!
PS from Diane: and he has never ever been wrong about anything!!!
-Alan Wiltshire