Reflections on Marriage
Miranda Brockman
When I married Ed, I really did go into it with dreams of “white lace and fairy tales” to quote Karen Carpenter. I was 29 and so keen to be married and Ed was 27. Yes, he is younger than me!
Looking back, Ed’s and my marriage preparation was basic – a brief meeting with the vicar and we were cleared for action. No in-depth discussions about our expectations and whether they were similar or even compatible, let alone realistic! And absolutely no mention at all of what it is to be a Biblical husband and wife.
What Ed and I did have was a shared faith and a very similar moral stance on things – this has been the glue that has held us together and there is no doubt that we love each other very much. We are about to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary – praise God that He has brought us this far and will see us to the very end.
I do feel it has taken all of those 25 years to truly get to know Ed and I have changed my stance on a number of things about marriage over the years.
So what are my reflections on marriage now?
That marrying young, before one is established, independent and really quite selfish, might be just the right thing to do and that time spent building an adult life together rather than later trying to blend two very separate and already constructed lives might be easier. This is the opposite of what we were taught.
That it is good to be honest when you are struggling and to have people to share that struggle with – both professionally and within the community. It might surprise people to know that Ed and I have had relationship counselling on more than one occasion and have also turned to trusted friends (you know who you are – thank you) where we were able to lay ourselves bare and were offered both wisdom and support in return for our honesty.
That raising children is at one and the same time the most beautiful and difficult thing a couple can do, but I have never met anyone who regretted it.
That for us it really was a case of opposites attract and I think we have only recently really recognised that our traits are not just different but complementary. Each of us stands in the breach for the other, playing to our strengths.
That praying together is one of the most special and intimate things a couple can do. We have had to learn to do this, but learn we have. Boldly putting God at the centre of our relationship has had nothing but a positive impact.
And what are my reflections on my husband?
I fell for an Army officer who was, and still is, a gentleman. Ed has never once shouted at me or the children. Sadly, I cannot say the same!
This strong, quiet man can be infuriatingly obstructive and stubborn, but he is a rock – my rock. Unflappable in any crisis and fiercely loyal.
That his capacity for polishing shoes, washing up and walking the dog is endless – essential to any marriage! Thanks Ed x
-Miranda Brockman