Thy hand, O God, has guided….. 

Eldon Sandys

There are two ways I could approach writing about marriage.  One way would be to weave into my article plenty of fanciful romantic fluffery, worthy of Mills and Boon, while leaving at least some room for brief glimpses of reality.  The other way, since this is appearing on a church web site, would be to make complete truthfulness the watchword.  

I have a chosen a middle way.  Nourishing the narrative with just a few drops of verbal Miracle Gro can help to hold the reader’s attention. My wife Carol, who will appear prominently throughout this piece, will understand as she has had to live with this general philosophy of mine for 45 years.  Since she will proof read this I have helpfully annotated with a large black asterisk those parts that she may want to delete (and you may query).  If they survive her red pen you can assume they are broadly accurate.  

I have also chosen to focus on our meeting and what, in the olden days, was called courtship. For a marriage to come about two people have to meet. The story of our meeting and our courtship will have you reaching for a tissue box as you read of the patience of our young hero (that’s me) as he pursues the hand of a much* younger woman through every challenge HM Government could put in his way. You will weep openly when you read of the knock backs, the thousands of miles of separation and the years of patient waiting. You will marvel at the number of times I went down on bended knee* only to straighten up yet again and return an engagement ring* to its H Samuel carrier bag*. You will conclude that this is a story that Jane Austen herself could have written, had she lived. But it all came right in the end. 

If you have read this far you’d be forgiven for thinking that I am just trying to be funny. But there is a serious, or perhaps a better word would be important, point to be made. It can be summed up in the opening lines of a famous hymn – Thy hand, O God, has guided thy flock, from age to age – one of the hymns we chose for our wedding. For we believe that is what happened. 

You may be wondering how it was that HM Government frustrated the ambitions of our young hero? Carol and I met at a party in her flat in Putney, just before Christmas 1967. I had come down from Scotland 16 months earlier to seek my fortune. By the end of that party ‘I knew’. I just knew.  This was the girl I would marry. What I also knew was that Carol worked in the Foreign Office. It was only a month or two later that I realised that she would shortly receive her first overseas posting. While bending on one knee*, engagement ring at the ready*, I was told that HM Government was posting her to Kuala Lumpur, in April.  ‘It’s all too soon’ she advised. And she was gone. Two years went by. We kept in touch. My father even went to see her in Malaysia. Really. Actually he was there on a business trip and knowing my interest decided to take time out to interview* her, sorry, to meet up. I threw myself into my work, to forget*. Since I was working for Birds Eye forgetting wasn’t easy. Cod in Butter Sauce, Petit Pois and Crinkle Cut Chips could not hope to shut out thoughts of my intended. The company even sent me to Helsinki on a course in the depth of winter to cool me down. It didn’t work. 

On her return from Malaysia we picked up where we left off. Over the next two years the relationship evolved. I was developing repetitive strain injury*, such was the frequency with which I went down on bended knee*, holding my trusty H Samuel carrier bag*. Then came another of HM Government’s bombshells. Carol told me she was being posted to Rio de Janeiro, for two years! And she was gone... 

As you reach for another Kleenex you must be thinking: ‘Why didn’t this young man just give up?’ The reason was that I knew. I just knew it would all come right in the end. And the reason I knew was because I prayed about the situation, with sufficient faith to honestly accept that ‘your will be done’. And what I kept hearing, sensing, was that it would all work out. I just had to be patient. This wasn’t merely a hope. It was a confidence in the outcome. It was in God’s hands. 

After two years Carol returned from Brazil. By now you’ll be becoming familiar with the pattern. We quickly reconnected. But this time it felt different. I reached yet again for the H Samuel carrier bag* and the rusty* – sorry, trusty ring. But before I could flex my knee for the umpteenth time* Carol announced that HM Government was sending her off to Canada! Happily this time it was only for a week or two, to attend the Commonwealth Prime Ministers’ conference.  

On her return we met one weekday lunchtime in St James’s Park, convenient for where we were both working. This time knee bending wasn’t needed. We were on the same page: ‘Let’s get on with it!’ That weekend we told our parents and we were married a few months later – nearly seven and a half years after we first met. 

‘Thy hand O God has guided….’ still resonates because we believe that was what had been happening.  And while happily our married life has not been the ‘tempestuous sea’ of another hymn we chose for our wedding service - ‘Lead us, heavenly Father, lead us o'er the world's tempestuous sea’ – asking for God’s guidance has carried us through our married life, happy years which have given us two children and two grandchildren and, we believe, brought us to Pyrford.  But that’s another story….    

Having just read this through before handing it over to Carol for marking, I realise, much to my surprise, that I have hardly strayed from reality at all.  Perhaps I have been chastised too often by Evie, our 6 year old grand-daughter, who sometimes tells me at bed time:  ‘This time I want a proper story.  Not one made up out of your head….’ 

-Eldon Sandys

Carol’s post-script: 

Having been married merely once, my advice might be deemed too limited to be valid.  Nevertheless in my humble opinion there are 3 important ingredients to a contented and harmonious marriage:  choose your best friend; choose someone whose happiness you consider more important than your own; and choose someone who shares your sense of humour.  I know many people have quite different requirements – for example, an edgy, volatile and even confrontational relationship may well suit some.  Good luck with that...............