Marriage in the light of eternity!
Suzanne lees-smith
The book by Francis Chan (Marriage in the Light of Eternity) is unlike any other and contains many secret weapons in learning how to survive (for those reading whilst in a tricky season!) and thrive in marriage. He points out that it is never simply about two people but always two people and God, and when we have Jesus at the centre we are freed and enabled us to look at all situations in a new way. At times I imagine it could be a likened to being in a doubles tennis match with your coach (Holy Spirit) watching closely each of you and your play, but also to the dangers heading your way too.
Marriage isn’t to become an idol but an opportunity, to grow in the love of God, loving God, loving your spouse, loving and serving your neighbour. “As iron sharpens iron so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
If we allow God to teach us through our struggles and successes, our agreements and disagreements, there is a richness of understanding, of love and life that we can receive. The reality is with two human beings together, life is never going to be perfect! There will be conflict at times, although Disney has done a good job of convincing us otherwise, with its many happy weddings. Those films end with the most blissful weddings but don’t tend to reveal that it is actually the beginning of the true epic saga! I’m sure many married couple would be able to share episodes of drama which would fill a fabulous reality TV show. And to couples I say: be brave, share those struggles because they are so helpful to others in the midst of struggle, perhaps for the first time. You can give a gift of hope, the strength to persevere when we are able to be honest about real life marriage.
Marriage is a gift and should be treasured and it is also a character building challenge! I will never forget, whilst being engaged myself, going to see a guy, Francis Frangipane, preaching in London. In the middle of the sermon he started talking about marriage and said: “Marriage is about killing each other!” Shocked! I think so. Perplexed. Oh yes! He went on to talk about how all of us have to learn in life to ‘die to self’. Jesus said to his disciples if you want to follow me: ‘Pick up your cross’. Not a particularly fluffy or romantic picture. But a promise that new, abundant, deep, rich, awesome life can come from not putting our own wants and desires first but asking for Jesus wants and desires to be put first, then of course our spouses. Given in a new heart of flesh, there lies a different love, forgiveness, joy and compassion to be shared. The human strength of these alone can struggle to sustain.
Marriage needs not just two people. It needs God our creator, Jesus the redeemer, Holy Spirit teacher and guide. Then a wider family and friends to support and be part of the marriage, to be receivers of God’s gifts to the world which the couple together are given to share.
From sport to a concert, the band on stage are supported by sound engineers, lights, fans cheering them on, many, many people helping them. We need to grasp this too is the truth of marriage. I have friends in my church family who have prayed for me and my husband every single day of my marriage and they are part of my journey and a reason it’s still going on. If we are blessed with children we need those people who will step in and invest in them and us especially in sleepless, crazy moments where life is constantly changing.
In difficult times, professional counselling can also be part of the journey, where there has been hurt, disappointment and anger which shuts down communication, others are called to be part of the marriage journey. This is not failure but success, willingness to confess our difficulty in the hope that new life might come.
It is a privilege and adventure, companionship that many don’t have, and we (well, I) should be mindful of that when tempted to moan and groan! Marriage is also something greatly under attack in a spiritual sense, as a source of unity and showing God’s love to the wold. The devil is not its biggest fan! So let’s pray for one another, married or single, let’s pray that love can grow and we may see families built up in faith, hope, love and strength all around. And to those of us Christians, married for a while, let’s not be afraid to share the stories we have, of love and failure and how Jesus has been with us in it all.
-Suzanne Lees-Smith